i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
FUCK WHALES
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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