I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
