Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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