I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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