I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
