three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Someone came in the potted fern
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
