sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
