suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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