I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
