youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
