OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
