Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
