Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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