somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
