Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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