No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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