Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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