3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
