Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
