I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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