It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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