It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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