he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
