That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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