so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I supernannyed him into submission
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
