he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
