I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
