somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
