dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize