I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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