Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
