When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
