next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
time to smoke my breakfast
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
