Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
