He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
