Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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