I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
