I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
