My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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