I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sarcasm needs its own font
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
