I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize