I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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