you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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