Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
