I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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