Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
