Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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