guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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