im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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