and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
