Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize