YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
