can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
