He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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