Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The police scanner is talking about you again....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
