I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize